Banned Camp. Digital Memories. The Apocalypse.

It all starts with a nice ride in the car. Oh, how lovely. It's all different, though, because you know you're going to end up in a very strange place. It's somewhere you've never been before, and you're really excited, but also a little nervous. You know it's going to be an exceedingly odd weekend.

After driving through thick redwood forests for some time, you finally arrive at Pamplin Grove.

"So this is Banned Camp."

You find and christen the PortaJohn, then get your stuff from the car and set up your tent. You put on a Hawaiian shirt and weird sunglasses, grab your mug, and head for the fire pit. On your way there, someone tells you that you look like a 50's movie star housewife from Hawaii.

When you get to the fire pit, someone finds out that your mug is empty, and insists that you have some juice. With the excitement of adventure overtaking you, you embark upon the strangest journey of your life.

Flash Forward

You notice that it's dark outside, and wonder when that happened. You're sitting on a dilapidated old armchair atop a picnic table, several yards from a roaring fire. Strange things are going on all around you, and there are couches everywhere.

Suddenly you hear people yelling, and a horde of strange figures takes the fire pit by storm. They're all wielding torches, and the whole scene is a mass of fire, noise, and bad thrift store clothing. The scrotes have arrived.

One of these strange creatures, dressed like a southern lawyer and smoking a cigar, talks for a while, but you're not quite sure what he's saying. Gradually, everyone around you begins to chant. "Ooga Chaka, Ooga, Ooga, Ooga Chaka, Ooga, Ooga..." It's an incantation. You join in the chanting. As the vocalizations reach a climax, a beautiful vision appears. It's the patron goddess of the Disciples of Saint Michael. A gasp escapes the crowd. Everyone cries, "Beeeeerrra!!!!!" You fall to your knees and worship the sparkling white image, ignoring the fact that she looks strikingly familiar.........

Flash Forward

You're moving. Everyone and everything around you is moving--all pulsing to a tribal beat. Drums, soda bottles, sticks, cymbals--anything to make noise. Anything to be a part of the musical amoeba.

People dance around the blazing fire as it splashes hot orange light over skin and brass--a brilliant sunrise of wild musical abandon. Art. Lord of the Flies. You are. You move. You play. You forget about everything else.

Flash Forward

Dirt. You lift your head and wonder how you got on the ground. It's mostly quiet now, but from somewhere in the forest you hear a megaphone click on.

[Click] "Peanuts. Get your peanuts." [Click]

Two figures emerge from the darkness carrying what appears to be a hog-tied Winnie the Pooh doll. They roast the conglomeration over the coals that are left of the fire. Something hits you rather sharply over the head.

Flash Forward

Dirt. You remember something about Winnie the Pooh and peanuts (you learn later that this was a visit from the Thunder Fairy), but dismiss the idea and go in search of your tent. Where the hell did you put it? You eventually find a tent and sleep in it; the fact that it's not yours doesn't really seem to matter at the time.

*The next morning....*

[Din of drums; yelling; chaos]

"Wake up, you bastards!"

[Zip]

[Silence]

"Oh....my!!!"

...And then it's time for marching practice. Strange evil people come after you with squirt guns and flour. Joe Band feeds you red vines whether you want them or not. After marching, you eat lunch, and then everyone gets their instruments out and rehearses band music on the picnic tables for an hour or two.

It gets dark, and it all starts again. Your demise this time is called the Blue Room, and it's evil and wonderful.

You hurt your knee in an attempt to pin Garrett SexyPants, and feel really bad for landing on him. People are doing strange things with candy. More dancing. More fire. A lion playing a trombone. A thriving mass of dancing "Bodies." (That was for you, NaGi.)

Flash Forward

You're hiding behind a tree with another banda, laughing hysterically and trying to be as quiet as possible. "Shhhhhhhhh!!!!! We're in COG-NI-TOOOOO!!!!"

To the river!!!

Flash Forward

You're walking in your front door when it all hits you. You look like you've been to hell and back, and feel quite certain that you have been. You experience some degree of culture shock when re-immersed in a normal social atmosphere, and it takes several days for you to re-adjust.

Banned Camp. Digital Memories. The Apocalypse.

These scenes from Banned Camp were mostly impressions from Nursie's rookie year.